Attack on MST: Mishonh From God
by J.C. Doggendoodle
Summary: What happens when an author embarks on a quest to take down Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way's army of Mary Sues and bad stories? You get this fanfic. F*ck you, let's go.
1. Prologue 1: The Anti-Gay Appears

**So I was eating popcorn in the world beyond the fourth wall when I got a call. It went something like this:**

**"Hello?"**

_**"Is this JC?"**_

**"...Who the hell are you?"**

_**"That doesn't matter. Listen."**_

**"Yeah?"**

_**"You know My Immortal?"**_

**"I'm not reviewing that."**

_**"That's not what I'm asking you. Ebony Way has escaped the Mary Sue Rehabilitation Centre and is creating more Mary Sues!"**_

**"That's horrible, but... what do you want me to do?"**

_**"I need you to take them down."**_

**"How am I supposed to do that?"**

_**"I'm sending you the first fic they managed to create: 'Supper Smash Bros: Mishonh From God'."**_

**"Isn't that the one with the extremely anti-gay female "Christian" protagonist?"**

_**"Yes, and I need you to review it so you can weaken the protagonist's power."**_

**"How does that work?"**

_**"I am also enclosing directions to my secret headquarters. Good luck!"**_

**So now I need to find my way to some creep's secret HQ while reading this... well, just wish me good luck.**

**I don't own SSB or (thank God) this fic. What I do own, however, are my own thoughts, which will be in bold.**

**Let's go!**

Hi my name is Sara (not Palin unfortanetly) and im a 13 yearold girl who loves America and God and the Constantution so i librul soshalistwho likes barrack obama **(I DO) **than LEAVE NAO **(NO! I must defeat you! Unfortunately...) **and go back too getting wefare for noting and trying to turn every1 into gay athists also I lik video games like supper smash bras **(Supper Smash Bras: The new dinnertime fighting game for the sexually frustrated!) **and otters even thou im a gril (my mom sad id turn a les if I play video game (**The f*ck kinda mother do you have?)** but I put pics of jaykob from twilit and juston beber in my room so idont **(That won't help. That will just make it worse)**).

CHAP 1: MISSON FORM GOD

I was in my seance class one dat when my librul teacher mr jonson was talkin about evilusion. **(Haha I geddit because evil illusions HAHAHA I didn't laugh.**

**Not even once.)**

"an tat is why humins came form monkees and their is no god" he said. **(I feel like I should say this now; I am a Christian. I am also a gay rights supporter. Therefore I SHALL HOLD NO PUNCHES.)**

**(Also, what is a humin and where is this Monkees they all come from? Is is on the corner of Terebithia Lane and Bullcrap Boulevard?)**

I razed my han.d **ERROR: han.d is not responding. Press to fix this.**

F*ck this Sh*t I'm Out

"yes Sara" he said.

"if humin came from monkees why r their still monks"

my teacher had no anser for that **except for the obvious "Because they're completely different things, you dolt" **so he give me a ditention and an f on my test.

"hahaha!" he sad "you Christens wil be defeet on day! **(Which day? Monday? Day 16? Green Day?) **athests alreedy rule dis cuntry becuz of obama car **(Well, I doubt Obama endorses this car seeing as he is a CHRISTIAN) **and son **Sex Change Counter: 1 **all Christens will goto deaf panells!**(Why specifically deaf ones? And what are the panels for anyway?)**"

just then the door toteh science room opened and God walked in. he was waring **(Ware is not a verb)** a rob and had a bread like he allways does **(Holy Communion, I assume)**.

"mr jonson ur gong too HELL!"

"no cuz u arnt reel" mr jonson said. **(HE'S RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU, WHAT MORE DO YOU ****_NEED_****?)**

"lol ur a moran" God said and he stroked mr jonson with lighting and mr jonson ded.

**(...**

**THIS ISN'T GOD. I don't care what this... ****_thing _****says, THIS ISN'T GOD. God does not go around smiting people just because they're not Christians. ****_THIS_**** is a man who spiked Sara's drink with Ebony Darkness and made her hallucinate before dragging her into this alternate universe.****)**

"yay!" said all the Christens in the class.

"boo!" said the Heatrans **(It wasn't very effective.) **so **"**God**"** stroked all them to **except the one I caught in my Pokeball of Safety**.

"ok now I nead too talk too Sara **"**God**"** said. "so everbuddy else leave." **(I want an Everbuddy!)**

"ok" my classmates left the room.

"Sara Osborne ive bean watching u for sum time," he sad, "this world isnt the only on I mad." **(So this guy is mad on multiple world... um, worlds?)**

"for real" I ask.

"yea do u no about video games." **(Considering she has class alongside Heatrans...)**

"yea I play them with my bro and Lauren" (my bro is my brother and Lauren is my BFF forever and shes a PCC (Pretty Consertative Christen) **(Not ULTRA Conservative? FOR SHAME) **like me to)

"well they are real because when u play the nother unevirse I made" **(...What? What happens?)**

"cool God" I hi fived **"**God**"**.

"ok but theres treble **(All about that base, 'bout that base...)**. Satan found out about this and now hes in Nentendo World. Only u can stop him b4 he dose evil stuff their." **(What kind of evil stuff? Is is like your fanfic?)**

"oh no."

"right this is the hardest thing u ever done even harder than ur math test last month. God thing i'm God and I can give u cool powers and stuff."

So **not** God gave me some power and I fell to sleep. When I woke up I was outside of the Smosh Manshon! **Then they saw me and kicked me into some strange alternate universe Smash Mansion separated from the normal one...**

**Alright, I think we're here! See ya next chapter!**


	2. Prologue 2: Bear Asses & Rapping Lesbans

***knock knock* Hello? Anyone home?**

_Why pick this dilapidated house out of all the dilapidated houses in the area?_

**...What other dilapidated houses?**

_**I dunno, there's the one across the river over-**_

**Are you the one who sent me this letter?**

**...**_** *bangs door shut* Go get me Twenty Bear Asses before you come in!**_

**Well, that sucks.**

_I know a place where you can buy Bear Asses and other useless quest items._

**...Wh****y would you know-**

_Don't ask, just go!_

**OK, Heatran, OK. Alright, let's get this stinker over with... Heatran, please show me the way to the Bear Ass Store.**

First of all whats a troll? **(You are!) **I men I think I fot sum in a game b4 **(Not that kind of troll, you dolt) **but there not in my story so why did you mention them in the revew _**(Because YOU ARE ONE!)**_. And whats a mary sue? And my mom and dad sad that I need to spred the truth of God's word on the intranet and speak out aganst the soshalists destroying America **(1. They aren't destroying America, and 2. Even if they were, this is not the correct way to do that)**

Also I didnt updaty yesterday becuz my family thought that their woud be the raptor **(What, Jurassic Park?)**. Lauren said their woudnt and she was rite so I gess that provs who smart she is.**(...Who ****_is_**** 'Smart She'?)**

CHAP 2: SARA MEATS CHARECTERS **(Oh God no...)**

the smash mantian **(What's a 'mantian'?) **was a really big hose **(OH GOD THE INNUENDO SHUT IT OFF ****_SHUT IT OFF _****_SHUT IT OFF_****) **with like a gatrillion romos **(WHAT'S A 'ROMO'?**) an was alota stories tall **(Define 'alota') **I was inteminated **(intimidate + decimate = scared into tenths) **by who big it was. **(...WHO'S BIG IT?!)** Suddenly someon came. It was like a robot except a person was in it. **(Oh no...)**

"hai their pretty gurl" **(Whose? Certainly not mine...) **the robot person said.

"u think im pretty" I saod.

"yea ur the hotist gurl ive ever sean."

I thought it was Mister Chef **(Colonel Mustard's personal butler) **from Hallo but it wasnt but I didnt no that so I cloded **(Clouded? Why would you- Oh, closed, right...) **my eyes an mad out with robot person but when I open them its not Mastre Cheef but SAMAS ERIN! **(HOW DARE YO- Oh. That's not Samus Aran. OK then)**

"hahahhaha I triked u in too thikning I was a dud but im a girl" samas said.

"why do u do these! **(These what?)** I liek guys nit girls ima Christen!" I shooted.

"BECAUSE IMA LESBAN!" **(*guffwas for days* What is a 'lesban'?) **Samas said "anf im a antithesis **(An... anti-thesis?**

_Well, she is the opposite of... whatever a non-lesban is_) so I want u 2 goto hell for bein gay like me." **(...There are gay Christians. You... do realize that, right?)**

than Samas tred too rap me **(*starts beatboxing***

_You do realise she means 'rape', right?_

**Don't care, this is more entertaining *continues beatboxing*) **she took of my shirt (I had my bra under so I wasnt tipless) **(What tips could a bra give you?) **adn my shirt **(B-but you just... she just... _What_?) **which had pantees under it **(...I'm not gonna ask...) **so I still wasnt nakid.

"no help!" I screemed. Lucklily Link and Math and Icke **(Who's Math?**

_Who's Icke?_

**And why is Link hanging out with them?) **wear nearbye **(Abercrombie rip-off no. 493) **so they git hoarses and ran up and came b4 iy was to late.

"stop been a gay librul Samas" Icke said. **(She never said she was a Liberal)**

"yea wereman **(Man...man?) **and your a women so lissen to us" Link said. **(Oh, sexism, OK. Add that to the list of prejudicial moments)**

"but im a lesban so im a femanast **(Not all lesbians are feminists, and I'm sure not all lesbans are femanasts, either) **and im not gonna lissen to u" Samas said. She taked of my shoes next. They were fancy hi-hells from goosepy zanaty **(... The f*ck?) **that cast my mom $2000. **(Shoes that can throw? Wow!) **butthan Marth **(Where did he come from?) **grabed Samas with his hercule arms and through her **(He went... through... Samus?) **in teh moot **(What's a moot?) **off the manshan.

"r u ok" he asked. He kissed my hand romanticly. **(MARY SUE ALERT! ABORT! ABORT! ABORT!)**

"yea sorry I mad u do that" **(Why are you angry, he just fought off a lesban for you, whatever those are) **

"its ok Samas is a librul so she hadit cumin" **(...) **March said. I looked into his eyes. He was like if the looks of Jaykob and Juston Beeber were combined with the genus of Sean Hanety and Ross Limbog. **(So, if I understand right, he looked like a feminine mutant politician? That sparkles?) **Expect he had blue hare. **(Poor rabbit, being dyed blue) **My hare was long and bland and really petty. **(The f*ck describes their rabbit as "bland"?)**

"u hat libruls to" I asked.

"yea me and Link and Icke r all borne-agen Christens" Marth said. **(No you're not. At least, Link isn't. Farore's gonna kill ****him now)**

"cool can I meat everyone els" I sad. **(OH GOD NO)**

"ok" so I climed on Marth's hoarse **(Hoarse what?) **and rod **(NOT THE INNUENDO AGAIN SHUT IT OFF!) **too the manshan and went in side. In the manshan I met other Christens like Peach and Zelda **(Not Christian) **and Ton Link **(Nope) **and Pit **(Nada) **and Nas and Luckas and Kerby and King Deedee and the Maryo bros (Mary **(Mario had a sex change?) **and Lugia **(Pokeball-**

_NO! My Pokeball!_) and Sonec and Sold Snape, who was Marth's father **(Dafuq u just say?) **(I dont think he was Marths father ibn the gam but wouldnt it be cool if he was **(No) **) and Clod Strafe **(Cloud... You mean the Final Fantasy guy?) a**nd the real Master Chef **(There's a British cooking show competition called Masterchef) **(those 2 werent in smash bros for some resin but there in this). But their were also libruls like Bowser and Ganandorf and Waro and Donky Khan **(KHAAAAAAN!) **and Diddy and Metal Nite **(Heavy metal concert, go!) **and Picachoo and Pacman Tranner **(So that's how he fights so well...) **and the other Pacmans and Wolf and Fux Mcledo and Falcon and Captan Falco **(Who?) **(who was Samas boyfrend b4 they both turd gay **(They sh*t gay? Oh, turned, right.)** from a govermint vaksine **(That's not how it works)**). I new I had my work cut out for me. **(And so do I. Hey, look! We're here!)**

* * *

**Seriously, why does this exist?**

_For sidequesting purposes._

**...Oh. Good point.**

_Would you like to buy something?_

**Yes, um, 20 bear asses, please.**

_..._

**It's for a quest.**

_...OK, that will be $20._

**Here you go, and let's get back to-**

_***CRASH***_

**The f*ck was that?**

_...I think we need to take a commercial break._

**Wha-**

_SEE YOU ALL AFTER THESE MESSAGES!_


	3. Prologue 3: Battles Galore

_Quick! You have a Pokedex, right?_

**...Let me check... No, not that... not that either... aha! Here we go!**

_Now, let's make sure you know how to use it. Look up my info!_

**OK. Searching for 'Heatran'...**

Species: Lava Dome

Type: Steel, Fire

Abilities: Flash Fire

Weaknesses: Fighting, Ground, Water

Height (ft): 5' 7"

Weight (lbs): 948

**Perfect!**

_Now use it on whatever caused that noise!_

**OK... wait... I'm getting a reading of... Smash Energy?**

_**It must be a Smash character!**_

**...OH NO!**

_What?_

**A Smash character attacks the place where we are after we finish reviewing her 'Mishonh' debut?**

_...! You don't mean..._

**I'm afraid I do. It's Samas Erin, one of Samus Aran's alternate costumes that's been OOC'd.**

_**You'll need to review the chapter ahead to defeat her!**_

**Oh no. Well, are you ready, Heatran?**

_Let's DO this!_

(From here on out until the battle ends, the MST-ing will be done in script format.)

Stop atecking my storey! God will juge u when u dye [JC: God does not punish for recolouring stuff! Spray Paint!

Samas Erin: GAAAH! My visor!

Heatran: Good! Let's attack quickly before she can clean it off!]

and if u insult Christens tehn he will send u too Hell! And thanks 2 the people who said nice things. [JC: They exist?] I no u will goto Haven. [Heatran: Not Heaven, _Haven._] Also I no that Samas is a lesbain becuas when I firts playted I only saw her in amour soi thought she was a hot guy but then I usde her finale smash and fond out she was a gurl. [Heatran: That makes no sense whatsoever! Wearing armor if you're a girl does not mean you are lesbian! Iron Head!

Samas: OUCH!

Enemy Health: 180/200] I had to star at my pics off justan beber and jayncob 4 even longer then I usuely do wen Lauren comes over 2 kep me strait. [JC: What does that even mean? Why ask someone of the same sex to come over to keep you straight? Bamboo Cane!

Miss!

JC: Gah!]

CHAP 3: HE FINALLE SMASH [JC: Who is he?]

the next day I was in my first mach of my carer. It was Me and Zelda fitting Bowzer [JC: Fitting him for what?] and Falcor. [Heatran: What would Falcor from Neverending Story be doing in the Smash Mansion?

*rumble*

...Dafuq was that?

Samas: Falcor!

JC: Oh no! We need to take her down before Falcor gets here!] We were the rad tem becuase were consercativs and they wear the blu tem becuas they wer libruls. I was waerinmg a pretty red dress that everone expect the libruls complamented me on. Boozer keeped breathing firs at us an Falco shat lazors form his gum. [JC: *guffaws for days* What?

Samas: Like this! Laser Poop!

*pew* *pew*

HIT! MISS!

JC: Ouch! ...OH GOD HELP ME PLEEEASE!

JC HP: 94] Zelda turne dinto Shrek [JC: Zelda can't morph! She can turn into Sheik, but not Shrek! Seltzer Bottle!

Enemy HP: 170

Aim has been restored!

JC: ...GAH!] and throw needs at Boozer and hit hem wiht a chan. Son bowsar was defet. Ten Falcor git a smash bell and sumoed a gina tank call a lendmaster and shat Zelda so she flyed of and loosed. I thout I was domed butthen I herd **"**Gods vois**"**.

"Sara! Remamber the powerz I give u at scool." [Heatran: That was never mentioned! What an Ass Pull! Butt Plug!

Enemy HP: 160

Attack is halved!] I used on of the powers that **"**God**"** gav me and I insanely had my finale smash. [JC: That would be insane, alright!] I actived it and it cussed me to turn into an angle. [Heatran: That makes no sense whatsoever! How does swearing make you become an angle? Magma Storm!

Enemy HP: 135

JC: Speaking of Final Smashes, there's a Smash Ball!

**_Use logic to get it to your side!_**] I used my holly powers [JC: Holly doesn't give you powers! Large Magnet!

The Smash Ball is almost within your reach!] to stroke down the lendmaster and defete Falco. [Heatran: That makes no sense whatsoever! Stroking the Landmaster would only slightly irritate Falco! Fire Fang!

Enemy HP: 119]

"this gams winer: rad tema" the narater said.

When I laft the fit Mart hwas waiting for me.

"OMG! that was amazon! [JC: No it wasn't it was a Smash fight.] I nerver seen someone us a finale smash withotu a smash ball b4!" [JC: That's because she's a Mary Sue! Wedding Cake!

Enemy HP: 86

The Smash Ball is yours!

_**Great! Use it at a large problem to unleash it! Otherwise, you run the risk of the power leaving your side!**_] he said.

"Its because of the powers **"**God**"** gave me."

"Cool. Now me and my dad are fitting Samas and Wario."

Greet! Ill wach" I said.

So tghe next fit began and Marth and Snake are the red team and Samas and Warop were ther blue team. Samas saw I was washing [JC: Washing what?] so she tred to deduce me with her lucius lips [Heatran: The band's lips or Draco's dad's lips?] and huge beasts [JC: Like Bowser. Wait, what?] but I was strate so it didnt work and Mark hit her with his sord while she was distrected and his dad threw gonads at her. [JC: *guffaws*] She got blowed up and lots a stack.

"Samas! Get ur had in the game! Present brock obana wode want us to kill all Christens,"[Heatran: This isn't a court, you need not present anything.] Waryo said.

"Rite" Samas said. She ataked Marth and Snake.

Son everybuddy only had on stack left. Wart rain tords Snack and het him with a motosicle. He flowed off and explode.

"Father! NO!" Matt said. He ran at Waryo with is sore.

"Ate hem!" Samasa sad. [JC: Using the 'Translator' function now...

Most Likely Correct Version: "Eat him!" Samus said.

Dumb Version: "I ate hem!" Samosa was sad.

"I cant im a librul vogon now so ican only eat vegetas." [JC: Uh-oh.

Heatran: What is it?

JC: Her power level... It's over 9000!

Samas Erin: Zero Laser!

JC: Another Ass Pull!

Heatran: Quick, before wshe activates it!] Waryo said. So Waryo was lose. It was a on-and-on [JC: And on and on...

Heatran: Just like this f*cking story!] fit betwine Samas and Marth.

"give it up Samas u no libruls cant won."

"never! BY THE POWAR OF LORD SANTA [JC: Santa is a bad guy in this?] I SHALL BANESH U TOO SUBSPAS WORLD!"

then a porthole openend an sucked. [JC: Just like this story!] Math into subspas. [Heatran: This is TOO BIG AN ASS PULL to ignore! _inal Smash!_

Samas: oh noo!

Heatran: EX... _**PLOSION!**_

...Enemy HP: 10] The fite was over. The libruls had won.

"wat did u do 2 my sun!" Snake said wen the match was over and marth didnt come back.

"Ill never tell!" Samas said. She blowed me a kiss (witch I dogged) [JC: How do you 'dog' something? As an anthropomorphic dog from an old MMORPG I take offense.] and waked away.

I was worred when Marth didnt come back. He still wasnt back for the tee party relay [JC: An... olympic golf party?] so I went with Clod Strafe insted. [Both: WHORE!] When I went to sleeped at nite I preyed for marth. Then I lacked the widows and doors [Heatran: If you lacked doors and windows, how di you get in?] so Samas couldnt rap me wile I sleeped.

That nite I had horble nitmars that Math was farced too have gay sax [JC: What's tha-

Samas: ZERO LASER!

JC: OWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWWWWWWWW!

JC HP: 5] with Satin [Heatran: That makes no sense whatsoever! Satin cannot play the saxophone! Flame Charge!

Enemy HP: 0

Samas: Nuuuu!

Enemy defeated!] and Bark Obameh. It was the scurrest thin ever! **('Scurr' is a verb, according to Urban Dictionary.)**

**Alright, we got the Bear Asses, and I think Samas dropped something... Cool!**

_What is it?_

**It's a Boombox! Now all we need is a Microphone and a Beatboxing Track and we can do some rapping!**

_...Let's bring this back to the dude who sent us here._

**...Killjoy.**

**If you want to appear in this fanfic, just post a review saying so. No My Immortal-worthy descriptions are neccesary, unless you've already done one, in which case just tell me where to find it.**


	4. Prologue 4: Losing the Ability to Even

**Well that happened.**

_Yeah... but you know what that means, right?_

**...We... got a new Boombox?**

_...They're onto us, dumbass._

***embarassed* ...That works too... Let's just review another chapter of this BS on our way back.**

* * *

Mary CHRISmes Eev everbuddy! **(I still want an Everbuddy) **I hop the pepole who sad gopd thins abot my storey **(They exist? Still?) **get what they want and the pepool who said bed thins donut. **(Bed thins. *pop* Ooh, a donut!) **Hopfully ican finish anutter chaptar _(They're all nutters, darling) _2morow but its CRISmos (NOT HAPY HOLDAYS LIBRULS) **(Yeah, f*ck you too.)** and I hav stuf with my famaly and then ill spend the knight at Laurens hose **(STOP WITH THE INNUENDO) **were well chang in2 are new close 4 each otter (I cant wate. Im shur shell be riley pritty). _(But of course, we're TOTALLY not lesbian. *gags*)_

* * *

CHAP 4: THE SERCH 4 MATRH

the next day all off the Christens in the Manshon were locking for maerth. _(Are-are you f*cking serious.) _He was still not back from were Samas put him. I preyed and preyed that we woud found him but he was nowere near the manshon. **(Of course he wasn't, he's in f*cking SUBSPACE!) **I new I had to confont Samas about were Marth was but I new she woud try 2 rap me agen if I came along so I bringed Clod and Sonec and Maryo with me. Samas wasin **(What) **bad with 4 womens and they were kissing and dong it to each otter. _(Oh, no, not the otters(!))_

"discussing!" **(OK, how about the issue of what mental disability Sara suffers from?) **Maryo vomated.

"stop it Samas!" Sonec said.

"girls sholdnt do that 2 otter girls!" Clod said. **(Well, yeah. That's bestiality)**

"Sara! U must jonus and be gay!" _(How does one 'jonus'?)_ Samas and the otter lesbamns said.

"No! Im ten trillian percant strait!" I shatted. _**(guffaws for days)**_

"ok then well gagrap u into been gay!" **(Oh, sh*t, it's a rap battle!) **Samas and the other lesbans got outta bad. Clod pulled out his gina sore **(Are you insinuating that Cloud has a fake vagina to use when he did that cross dressing thing that one time?) **and smucked a lesban with it. She flyed out the widow. Then Maryo shat furballs _(What did he eat?) _at anotter lesban and she burst into fame. **(She got a talk show, her own video game, everything!) **They Sonce rolled into a bill _(...What?)_ to defete another one and I used my unbettable marital arts on the other one. (*explosion*

**The f*ck was that?**

_The Mary Sue levels are off the chart! We'll need to repair this Sue Detector later.) _Samas was bye herself.

"tellus were Marth is!" I smacked her.

"No!" Samas said. I started stroking her with lighting from my fingers **(Poor lightbulb) **like in Stair Was becuz one of the powers God gave me was tobe a yeti with the forc. **(PFFFFFFFFFT FWAHAHAHAHAHAHAH A YETI WITH THE FORK! HAHAHAHAHA-)**

"Tell us now!"

"NECAR!" Samas said.

"Stop Sara ur 2 powerful if u keep atecking Samas shell die and than well never fond math!" _(All she's doing is stroking her with a lightbulb. I doubt that can do any real damage) _Sonec said. I new he had a pint so I stapped using lighting on Samas. **(Yeah, listen to the drunk, why don'tcha) **We had 2 find someone eels who could find Marth. I preyed that God wood show me were Mart was.

"Sara! Mark is in Subspas!" I herd God say. **(Sh!t, I've been forgetting the quotation marks.**

_...Well, I imagine "God" saying that like you would talk to someone who literally cannot see the HUGE BRICK WALL blocking the road)_

"Thanks God!" I sad back.

"Were is Marth" Maryo said.

"Hes in Subspas!" I said.

"Oh no how did u no!" Samas sad. Clod hit her with his sord to knack her unconshus. **(She deserved that. She's lucky the Smashers were too dumb to realise that the information they needed was in front of them the entire time, or her sh!tty plan would long dead)**

"Not Subspas that place is terryfine!" Clod said.

"But we havto Marth is in treble!" I said.**(All about that bass...)**

"Well ned more people Snoop will want 2 cum **(...) **too save his son and Lonk and Ick are Marth's beast pals. **(Are, like, Lonk and Ick pets?)** Zolta an Pech shuld came to and also Kerby and my bro Luweegee and Pete cuz hes an angle" **(How will a living angle helo anyone) **Maro said. So we get everbuddy adn goto Subspas to fine Marth.

In Subspas were insanely atecked by Subspas stuff but we beet them. Then we find Master Han and Crazy Hanes.

"Whatter u dong her" Mister Hans said.

"Weve cum 2 find Marth" I said. (**...)**

"No Sara u will dye!" Crazy Ham said. He tred to pinch me but I puled out my dads shitgun (its one of my specal movs no that im a smasher) and shat him until he ded. Than I did the sam to Master Hemp. **(So that's where this story concept came from!)**

"Well dun but Marth is still mine" Tatu leder of Subspas came.

"ILL KILL U!" I said. I tred too shat him but he took my gum away b4 I cold.

"Ha! U shuld no im a librul so I allways take teh gins away!" He said. **(Yes, because no liberals have guns (!))** I was rite I shuld have nown that. I tred my lighting buthe bloked it. Tehn I tred all my otter atecks.

"who r u dong this" I aked "my powers cum form GOD!" **(...Is this getting old, or...)**

"yes wile mine come from Satin."

"Bit Santana is weeker then God!"

"Yes but im alos the antichris!"

"how r u relly" I said.

So Taboo roped of his musk and reveled that he was a bleck guy. But he was wering a soot not gane close so I new he culd only be presadent brock obama! **(...**

_...Shredder? _

**Shredder.)**

* * *

**TOO LAZY TO INCLUDE END CHAPTER SCENE. SEE YA SOON. **


	5. Prologue 5: On Our Way to a Mansion

***long sip* Aaaaaaaaaaaaahhh... dassum good tea.**

_Indeed._

**So. *bangs board* You guys need to head out to the Smash Mansion, first of all, and try and rescue the survivors.**

**But why? Can't I just use my Author Powers to-**

**Sarah also has those, and if you use yours in ****_her_**** story, well, I'm not liable for any missing**** limbs.**

**...O_o.**

_So when do we set off?_

**Now. *kicks out of house***

* * *

STOP WRATING BAD THANGS ABOUT MY STOREY! **(No!) **If yall dont ill tell Lauren to beet u up. **(How does one vegetable me? What is she, Peach?) **She rans crass country and plays batskeetball **(Badminton, motherfu-) **so shes in reel god shap _(God shape? I never knew basketball could turn you into a deity) _(but she doesnt try to look manely or anythang becuz shes not a lesban and nether am I. **_(DENIIIIIIIAAAAAAAALL!) _**We were makeup an nic close and put alota tim in r hare **(S****o do quite a lot of lesbians)**). Alos my bro is a senor lintbecker on the hi school fatball teem _(Fatball? I know they need to lose weight, but a whole sport for fat people?) _so he cold beet yall up even easer. Marry CHRISmass (NOY HAPY HOLEDAY) **(ASSHOLE ALERT) **to the good people who wote good revews! _(Aw, why are you wishing nobody a happy holiday?) _(Im up erly becuz im so excite. I no ill get godo stuff **(You don't deserve Godot stuff. Godot is an awesome prosecuto- Oh, wait, you mean _good_, ah, OK, mind not f***ing my eyes then?) **this yer)

CHAO 5: SARA VERSAILLES OBABA

I stud infrant of Ibama, reddy too fite. He keeped taking about how he was the greetest evul 2 evar live _(-_-") _and how he wood give my sole to Satin **because those shoes are in fashion now**. I new I coldnt bet him in my curant stat **(Yeah, currants suck- Oh you meant curr-)**, so I activated my finale smash.

"impassible! Noone can use there finale smash without a smash bell!" Brak Osama said. _(NO SH*T, OBAMA) _Now iwas moor powarfel then him and I quackly wan. **(Why run away when you have _more_ power- Oh, you meant-)**

"Ha! Your alredy to late!" he laffed evully and flyed away "i hided Marth somewere in the Grate Mase tho." **(Dumbass)**

"im to late what dos that men" I said. **(...TABLE FLIP)**

"idont no lets fine math" Kink said.

So we all went in2 the Miz **(You went into a wrestler- OH GOD MY EYES AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA)**to find Marth. We seerch all over and fote bats aganst bad people their. **(How do you fight bats against someone? Do you, like, punch them into the Batcave?) **But Mark was nowere to be fond. We war about to give up wen we herd the sowd of a musial cumin form one of the dores we werent in yet. We open the door and saw that Marth was insid with Captan Futon and a buncha otter gay guys. He was dress lik a dreg quin. _(...I can't even.) _He saw us and skiped over.

"ew, dad. Those are last moths shos" he sed to Snack _who was eating some of his many food supplies_. Snak was wering last months shoos but Marth shuldnt no that. **(Well, maybe he has a sense of fashion. Straight guys can have those, ya know.)** He also taked with a hi-patched vois witha lasp insted of his normel depp manely vois. **(So they gave him helium and a mouth gag, so what?) **Captan Fakkon skiped up to.

"thisis me bofrend captan facon" Mark sad. then I relized wat happen. Marth was turn gay! **(What with your strong sense of stereotypes, I thought you'd have noticed that sooner.)**

"NO NOT MY SUN!" Snarf said. _(The f*ck did Thundercats gets here?)_

"now wer gonna rap u an make yall gay to silly" Captan Vulcan said. **(Star Trek too?) **Tehnb Mark an Captan Favan and all the otter gays **(Otters?) **in The Room skiped at us. I new they culdnt make me gay becuz only getting repad by lesbans turns gurls gay but it was still scury.

Snale got ot his rockette luncher an shat rockettes **(MMFF) **at the gays and blowed a buncha them up but their wer to maney. Clod used a lamer brake to get rad of more gays. Zelda shat furballs _(PFF) _and used the dimand sheld thin b4 turning into Shaq and using kun fu and ninja stuff. Link throwed his bonerang _**(*explode into laughter*) **_and Ikr used his sord to held back the gays. Maryo and Loogey jamped on the gays heds to kill them. Peech throwed turdaps and Kerby hit them with his hummer. Sonec used supper sped ball on them and sence Pete is an angle he sant gays diretlay to hell usin the powar of God **(Palutena, a., and b., no)**. Despit all these their war to many gays in The Room **(Acutally, I don't think any of the actors were gay) **so we had too retret. Everbuddy ran out the dor expect Soldi Snak

"cum on Snaek!" I shatted. **(APPLYING BRAIN BLEACH NOW.)**

"no yall leve ill hild tem of they alredy got my sun I hav noting to liv 4" Snack fired rockettes into the gays like a maidman (...) wile ever1 elese ran out of the grate max. Soon more gays and lesbans and otter libruls started poring out of the other doors. We wer trap.

"ono" I said. I thout I wold be rapped into a lesban and then id hav too kiss girls and stop wering makeup and start wering flanel _(What? Since when is flannel a lesbian stereotype?) _and id only shop at homs deepo insted **(Then again, when did Home Depot become land of the lesbians?) **of gud storks_(Who shops at storks?)_. Butthan mister han and crazie hen flyed out of the sky.

"hirry! Well crary u2 safe!" Masterham said. **(Dude... not cool, dude, why?) **I new that God sent them to save us from the gay librusl. They take us back 2 teh Manshan. I was gong to find Samas and beet her up 4 sending Marth to Subspas were he turd gay but she wasnt in the manshan she was shoping at helms deep becuz shes a lesban. **(Again, ****when did Home Depot become land of the lesbians?)**

Since Math was gay no I went on a dat with Link insted. **(A**** bawd, a bawd, a bawd. So ho!)** We eat at chickfila (Ha! Take that gays!) **(Oh no, you ate food. Aah.)** and then saw a movie.

* * *

**Thank goodness, we're here.**

**NOT SO FAST**

_Oh, no. Please no. Anybody but..._


	6. Chapter 1-I: Mary Sue Intensifies

I fond out that Laurens sister in collage voted 4 sum guy named garry jonson (wonder if hes relative 2 mr jonson) **(The logical leaps here are just **_**fascinating!**_**) **insted of matt ramnoy in the erection _(That's 1 innuendo so far. Let's keep track!)_. That mad me relly upsat but Lauren sed it was ok becuz romni still won soth caroline (were I live) and I gess shes rite. Lauren looked relly pretty in her new crismas close and she said idid to **but we're still totally not lesbians seriously guys stop looking at me like that **and im gled I got to sped the nite at her hous. _(...OK...)_ Also yall need to stop saiyan **(KAME... HAME... HAHAHAHA!) **bad thans about my storey, libruls! Also im not a slot ima CHRISTEN! **(Of course you're not a slot. You're a slut, there's a difference.)**

CHAP 6: THE CONSART

thew next day all the conserbatovs wer sad that March and Snak were gay libruls now (Snak evan chaned his nam frum Soiled Smock **(Pfft... OK) **to Solendra Snaef _(I think you're confusing homosexuals and transgender people)_). Mastre Hanes saw this and so he skeduled a hug consort 4 us. **(Yay, free hugs! I love free hugs!) **He called lots of relly great people like Bard Palsy **(Who?) **and Tobe Ketrh _(Who?) _and Care Underwode **(I recognise that name... maybe... I think) **and Honk Willems Junor _(Who?)_and Tod Nougat **(NONONONONO NO NO NOPE NOPE NOPE IT FROM ORBIT NADA GAME OVER NUH-UH) **and Justyn Bebur **(NONONONONO- Actually, his last few songs have been surrprisingly not sh*t... Still.**

**NONONONONO) **and On Directon _(Eh, each to their own) _and a buncha other people. And beast of all he got TALER SWIFT to cum. **(O_o I don't think I wanna know...) **Tailer Swuft is my favorit musec person and I relly lick her alot BUT NOT IN THAT WAY BECUZ IM NOT A LESBAN **(How else do you ****lick someone?**

**...Oh, wait you meant- *SMACK*) **just as a frend. I was gong to were my best red dress for the consart. I had my hare dun up nice and put on some reed lipstake an sum eyeliner and eye shadoo. And I put on my best hi hells. **(Attack of the My Immortal-esque descriptions!)**

I walked through the manshan but than I saw Samas but Lin was their to protract me so she didnt rap me. _(Well that was pointless) _She walked the otter way but drapped a notbook. I piced it up and red the cover. It sad "SECRETE PLANE 2 MAEK TAILAR SWOFT MY LESBAN LUVER." **(...What.**

_Never mind that she somehow dropped it, why name it something __that obvious__? I mean, she might as well have included flashing neon lights!)_That fightened me alot becuz Tailer Swift is my favaret muzican and if she was turned into a lesban than shed rite sons with secrete backwerds massages that turn people gay **(Why would anyone-) **(my parents said that hevy medal muzic alreddy does sumthing like this to turn people into Stanists **(Oh, right, her parents are fundamentalist Crazies)**). I red the plane and new I had to stop it. So I caled Tayler Swift becuz I have her privates numner. _(No you don't, you Mary Sue.)_

"Hi Sara" she said "im lookin ford to seen u et my consort."

"SAMAS IS GUNA RAERP U AND TURN U INTO A LESBAN!" I scrammed into the fone. _Then Taylor Swift called the police and had me arrested and sent to a mental asylum._

**Oh, if only.**

"Uno!" she said, "i ned more budygards!"

So she hanged up so that she cold hir some budygords. Later I went to the consort with Lnik and lessened to the muzak. I saw that Tailar Swift had mor buddygurds now including Radley from Samas Game. **(Metroid. It's called Metroid.)** She was the hedlane of the consort so she was on last. She was in the maddle of signing "Luv Storey" (mine and Laurens favorit of her sons. We lissen 2 it 2tegeter al the tim. I no ill find a guy to lissen 2 it with sumday).

"Romeo, save me, I've been feeling so alone.

I keep waiting for you but you never come.

Is this in my head? I don't know what to think.

He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring and said**,**

**Copy paste is so good for looking competent,**

**Somthing, something, something, something, something about residence**..."Tailer Swift sang.

Suddanly Samas stod up.

"IM GUNNA RAP U TAYLAR SWAFT!" she began ranning 2 the stooge. _(Subtle.) _Lotsa bodygards tred to stap her but a buncha gay guys including Mart and Snick and Captan Facon roped them 2 turn them gay. Luckly Rudley cold fly so he grapped Tayler Soft and carred her out of Samas clatches. **(Yeah, good call, Tailer/Tayler/Taylor Swift clone #95.)**

Wen Samas got too the stag Tad Nuget grabed his asalt ruffle and shat her like a billion times. **(NONONONONO) **Wile she was destracted by that Tobe Keeth sneaked up behind her and shaved a boat up her ass (sorry for swering. I prayed for fergivness from God for tiping that _(...The words "butt" and "bottom" exist, you know.)_) like in my favoretest sing of his. Than the otter muzakans ran over and beet Samas with there instraments until she was unconshus and then the polite came and throwed her in prisan (unfortunetly they toke her 2 womans prism so she culdnt be reaped becuz shes alredy a lesban). **(Rape trivialisation, disempowering rape victims since whenever this story was first posted)** Once allthe gays were scarred off Ridlay came back with Talar Sweft and she famished her consort. _(I'll admit, girl has some balls... that sounded better in my head.)_

After it was dun all the musicans gave autotrophs to me and the other smashers. Talar Swift gave me the bigest best autotroph of all time becuz I warned her about Samas.

"Ur my bettest frend" Taylir Swut said (off coarse Lauren is my BFF but I didnt want to hart Taylers felons by tellin her that).

Wen the consort was ovary and the muzikans laft I wenton anotter dat with Link. _**(WHOOOOOOOOOOORE)**_

* * *

That's at least 4 innuendos of various sorts.

**...Wait a second. Wasn't there some... cliffhanger we were meant to have dealt with this chapter?**

_...Oh, yeah._

**_...AAAAAAAAAAAAA-_**

Calm down. It's just me, the real Samus Aran.

**AAAAA-**

_Oh, thank God._

**AAAAA- *punch* Ow. Oh, hey Samus.**

...Now that you're done being scared, I can explain my presence. I am here to help you fight off hordes of Sara's minions - like those mini-Saras over there! *points to a horde of miniature zombie-like Saras headed towards the group* Now, watch this.

VRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR- *boom*

_And all the zombie Saras died. The end._

**Awesome! Now we're less likely to- Hey, is that a Microphone? Cool. *reaches for it, but it is whisked away just in time* What the-**

**CLIFFHANGER**


End file.
